October 27, 2009
A couple of days ago I wrote about “Why” we should forgive but sometimes
forgiveness doesn’t come easy, especially when someone you love hurts
you very badly.
When my husband chose to depart from God and chase after the things
of the world I had to make a choice. Either I could also turn from God,
harbor unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and hate toward the man that I
trusted my heart with OR I could press in and seek God and His will for
my life. I trusted God when I married this man and I knew I could trust
Him to see me through this storm. So without a second thought I chose
and made a commitment to ride the storm out with God leading the way.
I knew the first thing I was going to have to do was to forgive my
husband. I could not have anything between God and I that would hinder
my prayers.
So every morning I would pray, Lord I want to forgive him, please
help me. God is faithful. ‘What do you forgive him for?’ I forgive
him for adultery.
Attacks of the Enemy…
Then without fail, like clock work, the enemy of my soul would
remind me of another offense my husband had committed against me. As I
would dwell on the new offense the devil had reminded me of, the day
that had started off forgiving had now turned into a day of bitterness
and anger. So the next day when I prayed and asked God to help me
forgive him for adultery, I added the new offense. As the days passed I
would be reminded of other offenses, some old & some new.
My Counter-Attack…
So I began a list. Every time the devil would remind me of someway my husband hurt me I would add it to the list.
Some offenses showed up more than once on the list. For example, adultery & cheating,
Lying, deceit & manipulation. I would forgive my husband for
adultery but then the devil would say ‘what about him cheating on you?’
Well, to me adultery & cheating are the same but apparently the
devil thought he would trick me by using a different word. I caught on
to him quickly, my list may have been redundant but it worked.
Every morning I would pray “Lord, Father, today I choose to forgive my husband for.
I would proclaim this to God … but I also proclaimed this to the
devil. By doing this I had taken the authority away from the devil to
use the offenses against me.
I wasn’t perfect…
Please, don’t get me wrong some days it wasn’t easy. Some mornings
when I opened my eyes the devil was right there ready to hammer me with
all that my husband had done. And some days I would fall right into his
trap. The devil would tell me ‘he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven …
look at all he has done … he promised you … he lied, he cheated … he
doesn’t care about you … be mean to him, don’t forgive him.’
And for some stupid reason I would agree with him. I would rebel & retaliate against my husband, so I thought.
The result of disobedience…
I don’t think I need to tell you how my day would turn out … I would
be bitter all day, murmur, and be ugly about the situation. My joy
& peace was gone. I couldn’t focus on work. Praying didn’t come
easy and I felt miles away from God. I was held in the bondage of
unforgiveness. Not a good day, but nonetheless it was my choice. I had
thought I was getting my husband back for what he had done but the only
person I was hurting was myself. When I realized what I had done I would
pull my list out & proclaim forgiveness. Absolutely amazing how
that would turn my day around & get the enemy off my back.
Freedom…
Sometimes when the hurts are deep and forgiveness doesn’t come easy
we may have to work at it everyday, it is a process, a process worth
going through to achieve the freedom that accompanies forgiveness.
If you have unforgiveness in your heart, I want to encourage you to
seek God, ask for His help to release & forgive. This process
worked for me but God may have another plan for you. Trust Him to see
you through.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against
anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your
sins.” Mark 11:25
Lord, Father thank You for teaching me how to forgive. Thank You for
the Holy Spirit, whom You sent to guide, lead and direct me into all
truth. Father, I choose to walk in forgiveness today. Father, I ask
that the Holy Spirit will quicken my spirit when an offense comes upon
me so that I may forgive right away. May Your joy strengthen me today
and may I possess the peace that surpasses all understanding. May Your
light of love shine through me today. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.
Saved By Grace ♥ Changed By Love
Cindy
